Case #178 - An exquisite moment of shyness and connection

Alexis spoke of being shy. She said 'I am often in my world, others in theirs'.
As we conversed about this, she described how even her husband talked about her not letting him in.
I asked about her daughter, who was 20 months old. Alexis said her daughter was very similar to her, very shy.
I shared with her that I also had an inner world that, despite my apparent outgoingness, others rarely had access to.
I then asked about her daughter again…Alexis said that there were two things which worked in terms of connecting with her daughter: firstly getting the right distance - not overwhelming her; and secondly, proximity - being close enough as she needed comfort.
These two paramaters gave me the keys to Alexis.
I invited her to stand up with me, and find the right place spatially in relation to me - expressing the right mix of distance and proximity - I used her exact language, that she had talked about in terms of her daughter's needs.
She moved around in order to find  find the right place in terms of distance from me, and then she came and stood slightly behind me, so I couldnt quite see her, but at the same time very close to me, just touching.  
I felt a wave of emotion, as did she. I felt deeply touched, at this interaction, wordless though it was. I shared that with her. After some time she then moved around in front of me, and reached out her hands. We stood there, holding hands, for a long time. The moment was exquisite, and profoundly moving.
This is the potential of Gestalt therapy, to move with the wave of awareness, with a minimum of words, and a maximum of grace. To explore the edge of contact - what we call 'good contact'. To find the balance between respectful space, and yearned-for closeness. This can lead to such encounters which we term the I-thou.  
Such experiences are transformative. Not in some intellectual way, of purely 'insight', or 'understanding', or advice or explanation. This is experiential learning at its best - to actually participate in the Gestalt experiment, as we call it, the 'safe emergency', which is intense enough to be real, to take people to their edge, but not so much as to overwhelm.
Alexis has had a life time issue with her shyness. Now her daughter is also shy. But in her daughter's vulnerability and simplicity, its apparent to Alexis what is needed. This provides the keys for what Alexis needs. An experience of this kind of contact is nourishing and healing, and in adult life, rare. Gestalt offers the opportunity to provide the space for such moments. We can't engineer them, just be present, be with the client, and set up an experiment with the right ingredients.  

Case #177 - An exquisite moment of shyness and connection

Alexis spoke of being shy. She said 'I am often in my world, others in theirs'.
As we conversed about this, she described how even her husband talked about her not letting him in.
I asked about her daughter, who was 20 months old. Alexis said her daughter was very similar to her, very shy.
I shared with her that I also had an inner world that, despite my apparent outgoingness, others rarely had access to.
I then asked about her daughter again…Alexis said that there were two things which worked in terms of connecting with her daughter: firstly getting the right distance - not overwhelming her; and secondly, proximity - being close enough as she needed comfort.
These two paramaters gave me the keys to Alexis.
I invited her to stand up with me, and find the right place spatially in relation to me - expressing the right mix of distance and proximity - I used her exact language, that she had talked about in terms of her daughter's needs.
She moved around in order to find  find the right place in terms of distance from me, and then she came and stood slightly behind me, so I couldnt quite see her, but at the same time very close to me, just touching.  
I felt a wave of emotion, as did she. I felt deeply touched, at this interaction, wordless though it was. I shared that with her. After some time she then moved around in front of me, and reached out her hands. We stood there, holding hands, for a long time. The moment was exquisite, and profoundly moving.
This is the potential of Gestalt therapy, to move with the wave of awareness, with a minimum of words, and a maximum of grace. To explore the edge of contact - what we call 'good contact'. To find the balance between respectful space, and yearned-for closeness. This can lead to such encounters which we term the I-thou.  
Such experiences are transformative. Not in some intellectual way, of purely 'insight', or 'understanding', or advice or explanation. This is experiential learning at its best - to actually participate in the Gestalt experiment, as we call it, the 'safe emergency', which is intense enough to be real, to take people to their edge, but not so much as to overwhelm.
Alexis has had a life time issue with her shyness. Now her daughter is also shy. But in her daughter's vulnerability and simplicity, its apparent to Alexis what is needed. This provides the keys for what Alexis needs. An experience of this kind of contact is nourishing and healing, and in adult life, rare. Gestalt offers the opportunity to provide the space for such moments. We can't engineer them, just be present, be with the client, and set up an experiment with the right ingredients.  

Case #176 - Acknowledging stopping, and meeting longing

Liila talked about a previous relationship she had 12 years ago.  
But before she continued sharing, she turned to the group and asked people to not take any photos of her.
I commented that she was taking care of herself.
I asked her what kind of care she might want from me in the process - this is bringing her directly into relationship with me.
I asked her feelings - they were in her chest.  
As she stayed with her feelings, Liila talked about two forces - which she demonstrated with her fists - attraction and stopping. The first were pushing into each other.
I invited her as an experiment to have a conversation between the firsts.  
They continued to be locked - both in the conversation between them, and in her physically pushing them together.  
This is what we refer to as the 'impasse' in Gestalt.
So I asked her to intensify the pressure - push the fists harder into each other. In Gestalt we often exaggerate experiences, to highlight awareness.
She became tired. Then the 'stopping' arm just let go, and the 'attraction' arm moved up, open, in a reaching out position.
The 'stopping' fist said 'I am tired, I am just letting go now'.  
The other fist - now an open hand, remained open, and she held that position for some time.  
I asked what happened with the stopping force - she said, 'I have let go'.
But I pointed out the stopping force also had something valid to say, and I asked her to give that a voice. I suggested that this stopping fist was a self protective force, stopping her from reaching out and getting hurt again, being too vulnerable.  
I pointed out that remaining - as she was doing - in an open/longing/reaching-out position too long would also tire out her arm.  
So I reached my arm out, to hold that hand which was open.  
I said - 'this is the connection you are reaching out for. If you dont get met soon enough, your self protectiveness is useful. But if it stops you reaching out altogether, then you miss out on bringing your longing into relationship.'
We stayed there for some time - a place of deep connection.
This brought her many awarenesses...
I brought myself into relationship with her at the point when she took a step into her vulnerability. Rather than just 'facilitate' her, I included myself, and closed the gap. This is an example of utilising the internal dynamics a personal have, for the purpose of brining them more deeply into the experience of relationship.