lifeworksgestaltlogobase

About Me

My photo

I teach and practice Gestalt therapy, Career decision coaching, and Family Constellations work. As well as Australia, I teach workshops and training in China, Japan, Korea, the USA & Mexico. I am author of Understanding The Woman In Your Life, a book of advice for men about relationships with women. In my work as director of Lifeworks I provide therapy,  training and supervision. I am a Phd candidate, studying the interpersonal dynamics of power, and am currently director of an MA in Spiritual Psychology for Ryokan College, an accredited online institution based in LA.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Case #199 - Taking in being of value

I asked Nathan what he felt - he said he was tired. He wanted to close his eyes - a heavy feeling on his eyes.
I  noticed his face - there was clear tension showing, and small movements related to the tension. Again, I asked him about his feelings - he said he was excited - a kind of tense anxiety.
I also noticed his eyes flickering.
I asked him about that - he said he found the light in the room too bright, and just wanted to close his eyes. So I invited him to do that for a while.
In Gestalt we want to find ways to go with whatever the phenomena is.
After some time he opened his eyes. I used this as a metaphor - and asked him what did he want to see in his life. He was not clear, so I invited him to stand up, and asked him to look into the distance and tell me what he saw.  
'Ambition' he replied.
At the same time, he felt his tiredness. He also made a particular sound, something like 'whoosh'. I pointed out this sond had energy in it.  
Nathan felt embarassed, so I asked him to down again.  
I asked him what he was tired of in his life - he replied that he was tired of all the duties he had, tired of being lonely, and tired on not having enough money.
Again, I invited him to stand - I wanted to help him mobilise his energy. I asked him again to look towards his life, and see what it was doing, what it was saying to him.  
Nathan said that it was saying 'you can do better', 'you are trying hard'.
I pointed out that this was future oriented, I wanted to see what was in the present.
In Gestalt we catch people's tendencies to jump ahead of themselves, and focus instead on 'who are you' in the here and now.
So Nathan said that now his life was saing to him that he should be so much more,  and that he was really like a woman'. He was embarassed by this.
It was clear that the messages he was receiving were part of his low motivation.
So I asked him to step into that other position, representing his life. I instructed 'I want you to be with Nathan, just as he is', and asked how he felt. He found it hard to answer. So I suggested - imagine you are Nathan's best friend, what do you want to say.  
In this position, Nathan still found it hard to speak, or to really feel deeply.  
He was clearly struggling to have compassion for himself, and 'be with what is', including all this limits.  
So I put a hand on his shoulder to support him.  
Again, he felt embarassed.
This reocurrng experience of embarassment indicated that shame was just below the surface.
A key factor in dealing with shame is the provision of support. His indication of loneliness, his escape into the future, his tiredness, all point to a lack of ability to really be in the present, and pay attention to where is life energy is leading him.
So we spent some time with me standing next to him, my hand on his shoulder, and Nathan just breathing, coming into the present, relaxing, and letting something positive and nourishing in. I invited people in the group to come up and tell him what they liked or appreciated about him, and his task was to just breathe it in, and accept it.
This was difficult for him, but as he did so, he reported feeling the tireness lifting. His face looked more peaceful, and the twitching had stopped.
It was clear that what he needed was a sense of being valued, and it was hard for him to take this in, to feel it. So we continued for a while, his instructions to be present, and allow the support in.  
Sometimes things that seem very small, are actually enormously difficult for some people. So, this requires patience, and finding just how support the person needs and where possible, offering it to them. What matters is the integration the person feels, not how 'big' or dramatic the work is

© Lifeworks 2012

Contact: admin@learngestalt.com

Who is this blog for?

These case examples are for therapists, students and those working in the helping professions. The purpose is to show how the Gestalt approach works in practice, linking theory with clinical challenges.

Because this is aimed at a professional audience, the blog is available by subscription. Please enter your email address to receive free blog updates every time a new entry is added.

Gestalt therapy sessions

For personal therapy with me: www.qualityonlinetherapy.com

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

© Lifeworks 2012

Contact: admin@learngestalt.com

Languages:

HOME

Informed Consent & Rates

PROFESSIONAL TRAINING

Gestalt Therapy Defined

PROFESSIONAL SERVICES

PAYMENTS

OTHER STUFF

Links

Book:Advice for Men about Women

BLOGS

• English

Bahasa

Čeština

Deutsch

Español

Français

Greek ελληνικά

Hindi हिंदी

Magyar

Melayu

Italiano

Korean한국의

Polski

Português

Română

Russian Русский

Serbian српски

Chinese 中文

Japanese 日本語

Arabic العربية

English Bahasa České Deutsch Español Filipino Français ελληνικά हिंदी Magyar Melayu Italiano 한국의 Polski Português Română Русский српски 中文 日本語 العربية

If you are interested in following my travels/adventures in the course of my teaching work around the world, feel free to follow my Facebook Page!

vinaysmile

I publish this blog twice a week. It is translated into multiple languages. You are welcome to subscribe

logosm1

Interested in Gestalt Therapy training?

Contact Us

Links

Career Decision Coaching

Here

and here

Lifeworks

Gestalt training and much more

http://www.depth.net.au

For Men

Here is a dedicated site for my book Understanding the Woman in Your Life

http://www.manlovesawoman.com

The Unvirtues

A site dedicated to this novel approach to the dynamics of self interest in relationship

http://www.unvirtues.com

Learn Gestalt

A site with Gestalt training professional development videos, available for CE points

http://www.learngestalt.com

We help people live more authentically

Want more? See the Archives column here

Gestalt therapy demonstration sessions

Touching pain and anger: https://youtu.be/3r-lsBhfzqY (40m)

Permission to feel: https://youtu.be/2rSNpLBAqj0 (54m)

Marriage after 50: https://youtu.be/JRb1mhmtIVQ (1h 17m)

Serafina - Angel wings: https://youtu.be/iY_FeviFRGQ (45m)

Barb Wire Tattoo: https://youtu.be/WlA9Xfgv6NM (37m)

A natural empath; vibrating with joy: https://youtu.be/tZCHRUrjJ7Y (39m)

Dealing with a metal spider: https://youtu.be/3Z9905IhYBA (51m)

Interactive group: https://youtu.be/G0DVb81X2tY (1h 57m)